Always see you soar above the sky

2008-08-09T08:54:00.000-07:00

Hey Shawn!
haha hope you like this layout. i got it from blogskins.com anyway._.
yeaps. havent added a tagboard yet..so, yeaps. (:

woops, didnt exactly get permission to post.. x:
haha, nights.

abby(:

2008-08-02T19:19:00.000-07:00

HAI SING CELL 2008

Was lost, all in a new enviroment... what would it be like? As I probably never knew anyone there, there goes... did i made the right choice? was it really from God.. Oh, just remembered, did i prayed about it? Maybe I should have prayed more... When was the last time i actually prayed? Questions questions... uncertainty.. leaving St Hilda's wasn't as easy for me, as being there for yrs has also made me heart grew really fond of them. Up the stairs to the second floor of Riverlife Church... As I opened the door, suddenly there was a loud voice that went:

MATA!! I looked around, and gosh suddenly all the questions just left my mind. They spoke like they knew me before, for a long long time. Then came fifi with her hospitality, who offered her book as cell Word was going on. And that ended day 01 of Hai Sing cell.

The the journey begun.. and there came..

The Love!

The sharing!

The Laughter!

The Discipleship!
The New spiritual baby, and his 2 wonder parents (Left to right)

The sillyness!

Our wonderful Cell Chalet! (June 2008)

The cannot get enough of mata!

More Salvation/Discipleship

That that marks the journey in HaiSing cell. More lies ahead... and more is to come. What's that? well that's what we are about to find out. HaiSing people, if you happen to be reading this, We know an exciting time lies ahead. So let's continue to love god whole heartedly and love people fervently. I look forward to all the fun, laughter, and yes also the tears that we are gonna share together. As one... SUPERNATURAL CELL, let's run the race that is set before us. =)

2007-02-17T01:53:00.000-08:00

Came across some humorous quotes that pokes fun at the difference between the genders, its more in the wordly sense.. o well to each individual opinion... here goes:

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants; a woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't want.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband; a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend; a successful wife is one who finds such a man.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lotand love him a little; to be happy with a woman you must love her alot and try not to understand her at all.
Married man live longer than single man, but married men are a lot more willing to die
Any married man should forget his mistakes-- there is no use in two people remembering the same thing.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't; a man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument; anything a man says after that is the beggining of a new arguement.
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: Before marriage and after.

Well, sounds a little bias towards the man side. Not that i agree with all.. but some after some thoughts, made me believe it is true. Well selecting the right man or woman to marry is important, but its only part of the process of developing a good marriage. Before we marry, the focus is on a future mate. After we marry, its on ourselves. Dating brings out the best, marriage brings out the rest.

2007-01-19T18:11:00.000-08:00

The Porcupine

Living with people

The longing to attach and connect, to love and be loved is the fiercest longing in our soul. It is the cry in every fibre of our being, the drive behind alot of why we do what we do in our everyday lives much more then we ever realize it.

Especially so with the ones we hold close to our hearts. Our family, close friends, our partner, or spouse. We seek their attention, their approval over our lives, to be special in their sight. That's when we open up for disspointment, we began placing expectation on how they should be towards us, how they should treat us, we expect a perfect almost god-like image of how they should be. Not realizing that they are human just like us. That's when we began to withdraw to solitude, after all love hurts.... being close to people would also mean getting hurt.

Perhaps we have made vows to ourselves "I'm never gonna love again!" "I'm not gonna trust leaders anymore" "This is the last time i'm ever going to go out with them" on and on......... WE become so defensive of our fragile heart, till we never allow anyone to get close to us, because of all the defensive walls (personal vows) we've made.

Porcupines are the most solitiude creatures. Wolves run in packs; sheep hurdles in flocks; elephants in herds... etc. Not so for the porcupine, they travel alone most of the time. However porcupines don't always want to be alone. In late autmn the porcupines thoughts turn to love. Love turns out however to be risky as the femal porcupines are only open to a "candlelight dinner and movie" only ONCE A YEAR. A turndown is often heard of by the male porcupine. Fear and anger makes them difficult creatures to be around. The spines around the porcupines make them hard to get close to one another.

The question is "How do we get close without getting hurt?" Perhaps the porcupine has such diliemma, but isn't that the diliemma of human history today? We see divorces, break ups, broken relationships everywhere. All of a result of hurt and anger.

Well, being in camp the past few months has thought me what it means to "live in harmony with one another" (Romans 12:16) "bear with one another in love" (colossians 3:13), Make every effort to live at peace with ALL MEN (Hebrews 12:14) . As other then my family, i've never been so close to a group of guys i never known. Just this week alone i saw the first quarrel happening in my squad that almost lead to a fight.

How to get close without getting hurt? Well perhaps i could share on how i get along...

1) Realize that no one is "normal", not even you. Human like porcupines have their thorns, it could be rejection, condemnation, resentment, bitterness, arrogance, selfishness, envy. Some hide it better then others, but once u get close to them you'll find that it is there. They burrow the thorns under their skin, they can wound, fester or even kill.. Well "He/she look like the perfect girl or guy for us..." Often such mindset would cause us to place unrealistic expectation on our partner or people around us.

2) We are no different. Everyone has a disgusting, irritating side, including yourself. And most often time, the very trait we dislike in others is in ourselves as well. It could be a blindspot, as Jesus mention "Why do we pay attention to the sawdust in our brother's eyes and pay no attention to the wooden plank in our own eye?" Or it could be we are having difficulties living with ourselves, as we hate that part of ourselves so much that when we see others having that same trait, we impose the same hatred.

We could easily name some porcupines in our lives, but not knowing we are also a porcupine to someone.

3) Well, know that its not about you, its about people.
"People don't exist for you, you exist for people."

Let Jesus be the love in our lives, the closest friend, our security. We can't give what we don't experience ourselves. Simliarly if we have not understood what it felt to be loved with no strings attached, we cannot give that kind of love to the people around us.
Acceptance, approval, appreciation and admiration we reali don't need them, but blessing a life, especially one we find so irritating, would be like pouring cold water over heaps of burning coal.

Well i always remember the story of these two man who happen to meet one day. One had a heart that is clean and spotless, while the other man had holes, some holes were filled but the shape was not exact. The man with the clean and spotless heart began to laugh and mock the man who had the heart with holes. After sometime the man began to reply "the holes in my heart were the people i gave a peice of my heart to, but they never return a peice of their heart to me, while those that were filled with irregular shapes were those who gave a part of their heart back but was never able to fill back the kind of love i showered."

The man with the pure heart then in tears, then painfully took out a peice of his heart and gave it to the man and filled it into one of the holes.

2007-01-01T18:15:00.000-08:00

BINTAN PART 2

WOOPZ! sorry for the long long absence. Time is so contraint.. 5 days controlled, 2 days free. Never thought the nxt time i'll blog again wld be in 2007. Time reali flies.. and whenever 31st december of every yr comes about, it feels as if the whole year could be summarise in just one day. Well if you could summarise 2006 in a word or phrase what would it be? Man.. just can't wait for April when i'll finally POP/ORD. Both same to me la!!! ok.. here is bintan part 2 as indicated..

O have time come to bintan.. i love that place.. below is handsome me..

ME!

Eating by the pool side, with my alcohol drink. Well, did drank alot in bintan.

Well not alone of course, with my friend.

Do our smiles look alike?

beach volleyball!!!!!!

Its the girls.....

Versus the guys!!!

K... aniticipating to get the ball...

Nope she missed. She always missed. Let M show it to you!

Change sports. FRISBEE! Catch it SHAWN!

Caught it! Over to you....

"Nice try! But i caught it!!"

Evening time at bintan

We just sat and talk. But it was one of the enjoyable moments.

Well.. cool boy!!

Well night time.. saw the many cups of alchol drinks behind. Loser drinks. Well.. i'm confident.

haha... one down... CRASH!!

Oh no!!!!! I'm gone!!

Next morning, breakfast... nah.. dun feel too good and she's disturbing me.

2006-12-08T06:47:00.000-08:00

BINTAN PART 1

Bintan a Beach resort. Good place to hang in after a hard days of work. A place simply to laze. Great and clear waters, soft sand... dfinetely one of the best beaches i've been to so far.

The Accomodation at night view.

The friends
Sleeping... Caught on camera.

They did the cooking.

We did the eating
And the washing...

Poor K getting pushed ard.

Taking shot... aim and fire...

Slam dunk?

Shoot!!

Get the pass!

A bar in the middle of the pool.

For once i'm taller than Shawn

The poor girl still trap. Hai!

Don't mess with me.

Massaging me?

Our professional Chef..

Laying the table for dinner.

Serving the food.

PArt 2 coming soon.........

2006-11-19T00:03:00.000-08:00

Choices... Choices... Choices... CHOICES

Wow finally the first week has past. Life is alright inside.. only need to adjust to the new lifestyle. Guess i'm really gonna learn alot more enjoyable stuff over there. Spend my first few weekends helping out abit in church, and hanging out with friends. Sat night talk with M, certainly did help me get some thoughts organised.

We make choices everyday. I realize there is however 2 most important decisions we make in our lives. The second being our life partner. The first being where we want to spend our lives in eternity. Someone once described eternity as:

A bird taking a grain of sand from a very long beach, fly to the moon and brings the grain of sand there. Flies back take another grain and back to the moon. On and on.. until one fine day the sand on the beach is completely up on the moon... Well eternity has just begun!

Its a question that one may choose to avoid, and rather not spend any time thinking about it. But the way we live our lives does revolve around this one question.

Do you believe in ETERNITY? In life after death?

This question alone determines how we would live our lives here. If one belives in eternity suddenly everything in this world becomes so dim, be it money or fame... suddenly everything would seem so small, even the problems, such as loneliness and pain suddenly becomes so little. The very thing that drives our lives would also change. Perhaps its a question we may really need to ask "What are we living for?"

I spend a fair bit of time in my life building an image for myself. Reputation and glory meant alot to me. Its interesting what someone can do just to build up and image, even foolish things. But what is our image in the light of eternity? When we finally come to senses of what eternity really means, suddenly the very thing that drives our lives change. Because this 80 years on earth... is such a tiny fraction of the eternal life we were meant for.

Suddenly i want my life to revolve around this 2 statements, that i want my God to tell me...
"Well done my good and faithful servant" and "My son i am proud of you" Everything i do must revolve around these 2 statements. i live for it!! In the light of eternity it is all that matters.

If the answer is no... eternity really does not exsist, than if it was me, i would do whatever i want... whenever i want.. whoever i want.. whichever i want. Why bother to live a right life? Why bother struggling to live a Godly life? Why bother about conscious? After all if this is the only life i have... i should let my flesh take control of everything i do, and make myself happy.

The problem with why many struggle today is because they choose to stay inbetween. Indeed the most miserable group of people living on this earth is not those who believe in God or don't believe in God.. it is those who believe in God and yet live their lives without him. Are you feeling miserable today? This could be it... Let's not say we believe in eternity and live as if eternity never exsisted...

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in his wonderful face

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim

In the light of his glory and grace.

2006-11-09T01:49:00.000-08:00

From SELF...
TO S-E-L-F-L-E-S-S

I could remember one moment during the days of taking SHSS 1 cell, some were sharing of their distance with God, while others share about the depressing thoughts they are facing, finding the routine of life meaningless and some to the extent of not wanting to face another day. It was quite a depressing moment... being a leader then, i thought there must be a way to all this. I then thought of the BELLY BOTTON.

Whenever we stare at our belly botton, we tend to find that it appears uglier and uglier to us.
Try bending your head all the way down and stare at it, not only does it appear uglier, its very tiring on the neck and it feels miserable after sometime, for some it may feel a little giddy.
Stay at that position, now try shifting your eyeball around, you would notice you can't see others around you.
Lift your head up a little, you notice you can now see the people around you, just a little.
Now lift it totally and u can see everyone else around you.

Its good to reflect about ourselves, but when we wallow in guilt or in our depression and loneliness, we tend to feel ourselves and all that is going around us getting uglier and uglier, just like us staring at our belly botton for too long. Getting depressed is like the discomfort we feel on our neck.

Whenever we are really caught up with ourselves, we tend to not be able to notice the people around us in need. Its just like swinging our eyeballs around when we focus on our belly botton will not allow us to be able to see everyone around us.

I remembered a story of a man being brought over by an angel to visit heaven and hell.
In hell, he saw hungry man on the table, surrounding a pot of soup, each took his own scoop and tried to drink the soup with the long spoon. However all the hungry man could not drink it. As you imagine, the spoon is far too long to have the food scooped and then angle in towards the mouth. Everyone continued to be starving in pain

In Heaven, it was the same situation, everyone was hungry and was surrounding a big pot of soup, each given the same long spoon. However everyone in this situation was full and satisfied. Why was that so? Because they used the long spoon to feed one another.

And these are exactly the same thoughts that runs through the minds of those hungry people in hell inside the above story.Why should I feed the person around me. I am hungry myself. Besides if I be kind to the person opposite me will he recipocrate and be kind to me? Worst still, if I were to feed him, then there be lesser food inside the pot for myself. Why should I be so dumb?

This is indeed so: The man who adopts a selfish mindset is living in hell within himself. Only as we pray for a selfless heart like Jesus can we live free from our own depression, loneliness.

It is often heard of people saying that they feel distant from God. And this something even i face it myself every now and then. However i realize that we often feel closest to our friend when we are really hurt and he is there to cry with us. When we are happy the friend is there to share the joy with us. Similarly, We serve a God who is all about people. If we are able to lift our eyes from ourselves and to share in the heartbeat of God, to bless, to cry, for the hurting and the lost, dispite how we feel, naturally we would find ourselves drawing closer to God once again.
"It takes strength to serve selflessly, it takes even more strength to serve selflessly dispite the storm we are going through."
"To be NEAR him, we must to be LIKE Him."

" The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy, but i have come to give you life and life to the fullest"
John 10:10
We may not realize it sometimes, but anger, bitterness and hatred puts us in alot of misery and often time we get angry because of our own ego, pride or our own rights. That is exactly what the enemy is out to do, to kill steal and destroy our relationships with one another, with God, our peace and our joy. We can't control who comes into our path, people we find hard to love, people who simply takes advantage of us, people we find irritating. But we can surely control the way we respond to them. If we choose to respond as Jesus would:

"But i say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you."
Matthew 5:44

Wow, this is a complete laying aside of oneself. But as the verse states "overcome evil with good."

Life is full of routine, and when we feel life is meaningless and dull is because our life centres around oursleves. Our ambition, our pride, our benefits, our advantage, together with everything we call our own we prioritize it as more important then others.

"It not about you! The purpose of your life is far greaten than your own personal fulfillment, your peace of mind or even your happiness. Its far greater than your family, your career, or even your WILDEST DREAMS and AMBITIONS."
By Rick warren, the purpose drive life. Chapter 1, pg1, para 1.

Overcoming loneliness, and depression is to only lift up our eyes from ourselves for us to realize that there are many who are facing the same, once we bless them with the friendship, love and warmth, we onli find ourselves getting the same fulfillment. But not because the person reciprocrate to us with love and friendship, but because we know we are doing what Jesus himself would do, and we could receive the smile and approval over us which brings us joy and closer to him.

Its a struggle but i want to be as Jesus is. This a verse we often read across, but yet to live out these verses is really hard:

"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better then himself."
Philipans 2:3
"... Why do you not rather accept wrong? Why do you not rather let yourself be cheated?..."
1 corinthians 6:7

A tree planted on cotton wool would not grow very high. But you would be surprise, that when you plant two trees side by side, they would grow higher then normal as they would try to outgrow one another. In being selfless, i would compete to outgrow everyone else around me.

Lord i want to be more like you! Break my callous and selfish heart, it simply breaks me to see myself so unlike my father.

2006-10-29T05:20:00.000-08:00

Working at LSC

04 sept 2006 - 27 sept 2006

With special thanks to the friends and family support, thanking God for the answered prayer, i found the next path of my life, at least he next 5 years of my life secured. Well since i quit SP services, basically i found another job at the Library supply centre, doing data entry. For at least 2 months. Met friends i never thought i would... people i never thought would have left an impact in my memories... perhaps for time to come...

AHHHH.. my desk!! MY TREMENDOUS WORKLOAD!

Busy at work!!! Beside me... is

My noisy colleuge!! H!! She is noisy... wa busy oso can talk non stop. For practically over a mth plus, it has always been she and i. Come to work, to lunch and back home. We've seen each other at our worse and also at our best. Sharing laughter and tears, altogether over the past mth, we had many memories together.

Well friends do come and go. Some people are there in our lives only for that moment, not dilibrately, but circumstances and restrictions disallows. From my time with her i learn that its important to treasure every moment you have with a person, to create the best memories, because that time could be the only time.

Well i never regretted it, because we did create memories to our best despite the odds. Irs prolly hard to meet again, but i treasure the moments with you. Here is this entry specially to you:

Thanks for the little gift! =)

2006-10-22T04:23:00.000-07:00

Gold Refined

Just read an article on Gold. Its interesting to know that the gold that often catches our eyes, that we often look with eyes that sparkle, isn't actually all Gold by itself.

Refined gold is actually soft and pliable, it is free from corrosion or other substances. Does our gold jewellery means that it is fake? No! Just that gold is mixed with other metals such as copper, zinc or alloy, that makes the gold harden. The higher the percentage of other metals the harder the gold becomes.

Well, i shared this because it reflected very much of our hearts. Our hearts are orginally soft and pliable like pure gold. Soft and tender. But we have allowed hurts, resentment and bitterness into our lives causing anger, unforgiveness and resentment to harden our hearts. Making us suspicious of people, becoming judgemental of others, thinking we are more Godly, and becoming more insensitive towards others.

That hardens our heart!! What has become to the once soft and pliable heart? is all gone? No!! I read on...

Refining gold is grinded into a powder and mixing it with a substance called flux. The mixture is that place into the furnace and melted by intense heat. The gold which is heavier stays at the bottom, the other impurities are drawn to the flux and rise to the surface.

God refines us with affliction, trials and tribulations, the heat then seperates and surfaces out impurites such as unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, anger, envy... and all that is not of God. In very nice moments everyone can be nice and loving... Even the most wicked man can be kind and generous under prospering circumstances. How many times have we heard people we know winning lottery or getting a job promotion wanting to give a treat to everyone? IT is under the heat of trials that our true character surfaces.

Indeed is true of this saying :"Everbody's normal until you get to know them."

It has been rather painful for me whenever i have to face the truth whenever i see weakness in my character. Being someone having the tendency often to be judgemental and easily getting intolerable... Working at SP services call centre has revealed alot of truth about my low tolerance level, when i often easily blow up when face with rude customers. One with low tolerance is often one who has a small heart. Last week alone i have let out some irritations and furstrations to people around me.

A man is measured, by placing a measuring tape round his heart.

How can one claim to be patient unless he is place under a circumstances where the people are simply testing him to his limit?

How can one claim to be loving unless he is face with someone he finds so hard to love?

I need to realize that i am no better then anyone else.
I need to see people as the Lord sees them and not as the world sees.
I need to learn to accept differences, that leads them to be different from me as well
Hurting people hurts people.

Lord, how i long to be more like You! Facing the truth of oneself is painful, only because those things make me feel so unlike my Father. Break my callousness, help me to love them like you do. Enlarge my heart to love and accept those i find it so hard to. Help me to accept the differences, for Lord i'm not better then anyone along my way.

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sins, would look on me with Love and watch me rise again. For its not because of who i am but because of who you are. Then i'll see beyond my calvary one day and i will be complete in you.

2006-10-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

Our mini Sports marathon competition

What a long day at east coast. Set out to challenge a series of sports with Y. Who intends to pick a challeng with me. Well, it was kinda funny for a competition between only 2 person. But I however thought the time we had was meaningful and fun altogether. Basically a summary of our little mini competition so far:

1-0: Well, our first sports was badminton, which obviously i was not that good! But still i won.

Heading down to east coast:

2-0: I won the 3km run at east coast, again i won. GAve u 2 minutes head start, still cannot win. Sigh!

3-0: Well into cycling next, finishing point at bedok jetty, a 1 minute head start did not gave you the victory either. Had leisure cycling after that, to watch aeroplane take off at the other end of east coast.

Lunch at east coast with Y... we all had no appititte. So we just talked about life... We were heading to kayake next. Non competitive as we weren't confident. It rain a little before the sun rose up again. We took nearly an hour walk to the
kayake place as we kept playing along the way.

Kayake for an hr or so, before we both drop dead on the sand. Played tic tac toe and rain drop on the sand, the waves washing it away after every game.

Slacked till evening, headed to shower, watch sun set........ then........

4-0: Bowl. Well i had my highest score of 114 in that match. Went to the lagoon for dinner thereafter...

Was a meaningful day, wanna say that i reali enjoyed. so where's nxt? Table tennis?!?! Penalty shoot out?!?! O ya climbing bukit timah hill. fun fun fun... So lookin forward to that. =)

Well meet LYZ later at night, obviously i fought to sustain myself while drinkin with him. But crashed in his car... 180 degrees flat.

2006-10-05T07:32:00.000-07:00

Jelly and I

At Cosy Bay

A night with jelly at cosy bay, a place located beside the kallang river, where we had to cross the litted bridge over the the 4 story tower, where we decided to climb all the way up to drink and chill.

Jelly, a close friend i known for yrs, we had many memories to share but they were never captured on pict. As we headed down one night, we were considering a place also with nice atmohsphere to take the picture together.

A snap of the bridge we had to cross.

Our First round of drinks, we are at this point on the top of the 4 story tower.

The little girl's smile again. =)

Finally our first few picts together after so many yrs. We are at this point on the 4th story of the tower. It being a weekday, it was rather quiet, we were happily playing our cameras, eating, chilling and talking.

So playful! TSK!

Our second helping of drinks. The beautiful scenery behind us couldn't be captured. Sigh! Well behind us is the river.

Our second helping~~

Going STRONG!! I'm ok I'm fine!

OH NO! Shawn are u reali ok? You're turning mad!

Yes i'm fine! I'm ok... I can still walk straight!

I wanna play along too!

Told you i was OK!

Last pict beside the litted tree.

Man! All good things come to an end, so did the night. Had lots of fun.... REali look forward to creating more memories in time ahead. We ended up cabbing back.

2006-09-26T04:56:00.000-07:00

The Unforgettable Drama

Drama has always been one of my passion. That's that!! I love to act. I guess alot of it comes from life itself. Life on earth is like a stage, we put up fronts, wear a mask infront of others, it becomes all part of a skill.

I was given the honor to act as Jesus himself during easter service in April 2006. It was an act i would never forget. The repeated rehearsals day after day, the moment i had to saw and make my own cross.... having to drag the cross up stage and downstage... the memories, cries and screams i had to made, seem like it was all just yesterday.

Actors who have to cry on the scene during their acts, are locked up in a room, to think of something sad that has happened to them, once they find themselves crying, they will then be ready to act the secne. Thats it!! The difficulty of showing the emotions of Jesus on the cross, dispite the fact that i never fully understood what it really meant personally to me myself.

This scene was at the garden of gethsamene, Jesus was in deep anguish with his Father here. The lines were many for me to memorize, but i felt so inadequete here. It was here that deep inside i felt so far from the Lord, that his character and mine were so different... i had to carry the image of Jesus. I WANT TO!!

I'm about to be nailed and i had to scream.

The easter production team from the drama, to the backstage and all who helped in every possible way to make this event a success.

I remembered the silence in the sanctuary when the lights went off. The emotions were heavy. But that was it. A friend of mine who was herself ministered by the act once told me during my really down moments "all that you did that day, Jesus was doing the same for you" FOR ME!! Yes... and i wish i caught what it all meant. The cross!

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now i'm found
Was blind but now i see.

2006-09-20T04:48:00.000-07:00

ELEPHANTS ARE CHAINED UP!!

Our past can chain us too!!

"In his book Teaching the Elephant to Dance, James Belasco described how trainers shackle young elephants with heavy chains to deeply embedded stakes. In that way the elephant learns to stay in its place. Older, more powerful elephants that have been trained in this way never try to leave-even though the have the strength to pull the stake and walk away. Their conditioning limits their movements. Eventually, with only a small, unattached metal bracelet on their legs, they stand in place-even though the stakes are actually gone!" -

John C Maxwell

Our past experiences have actually conditioned us in such hugh ways that we are so unaware of. Causing us to make decisions base on our past hurts, allowing it to dictate our lives, causing it to drive our lives, and thus not wanting to take risks, hindering us from doing things in this life that we so want to, seeing people with suspicion..... etc. We are thus unable to enjoy the fullest potential within us and enjoy what God has made this life for.

Personally, my past has caused me to be a person who is low in self confidence. Mistakes were a no no at my home, everything needed to be perfect. Praise and affirmation were scarce which has caused me to be a perfectionist towards myself and others... I strive to be affirmed by man and wanted to prove to be someone. I often felt the lack of attention from home, coming from an empty home, where my parents were seldom around, it caused a search for love, an emptiness... The bullies i had during my school days made it any worse.

I build walls, to defend my fragile heart. The strong image, the way i became so protective, has caused me to treat people differently. Yes my past has affected me big time. But i learnt now that i never have to.

Only a string used to tie down the strong elephant. Potentially the elephant could break free.

Elephants when grown up are too strong for any chains to tie them down. Yet mentally these hugh animals are still bound by it. Similarly experience from our past may make us stronger, that does not mean we are not mentally still being confine by our past. You cannot be free from your past until you know you are no longer sub consciously affected by it.

The elephants are not chained, only a ring tied ard their legs, they could easily escape, yet mentally they though they cldn't.

I do believe that "we are products of our expereinces" However does that mean good people is a result of a good past experience? And negative people have a negative past experience? Well maybe. But more rightfully put "WE ARE PRODUCTS OF HOW WE RESPOND TO OUR EXPERIENCE" Difference? When we say we are product of our experience, we are taking the passive role and allow all that has happened to shape us, our thinking, our values... When we say we are products of how we respond to our experience, we take the more active role to allow the situation to either make us stronger or weaker, bitter or better... In this way we are no longer at the mercy of our circumstances, but how we want to benefit from them irregardless of good or bad.

We may not be able to control the circumstances around us, and the family background and friends we have, but we can be responsible for our reaction towards them. To be a prisoner or product of our past depends on us individually. How we respond is going to determine how we see ourselves, who we are and eventually how people will see you. Our circumstances will change us. I REPEAT :" IT WILL CHANGE US!!" Question is for better or for worse.

2006-09-17T02:18:00.000-07:00

PEOPLE CHANGE?

Ever had any friends known since secondary, or even primary school days? I've had my fair share of friends since childhood, observing most, if not all, have changed. With so many transitions going on, from sec sch, to tertiary, NS... working... family life... Meeting different kinds of people, thrown into a different kind of enviroment, would i change in such a way that the people around me gets affected in a negative way?

The key would lie in this question: "What is my life centered around?" It determines our lifestyle, personality and manner of speech. If our lives is centred on our enviroment we would always change.

Why do people in NS become more callous and insensitive? Could it be due to the lack of understanding they receive in their camp and the usage of valguarities cause them to be affected in their manner of speech?
Why do some claim their JC mates are not as friendly and helpful? Could it be due to the competitive and time pressing envoriment they are placed into? As being friendly and helpful does not get one ahead?

It takes one who is really secure in who he is, have a very strong stand about the values he believes, to remain unchange in a changing enviroment. Such a person doesn't win popularity and worse, may not be accepted all around, but he would sure win the RESPECT of others.

People look up to a secure person, one who holds his belief and is comfortable with himself, not always changing constantly to fit into the crowd.

I must centre my life around my faith. This is to guard my converstaion, lifestlye, heart, personality and values. When God becomes the world to me, when he centres around everything i do, my life... i know there is an anchor in an ever changing environment.
The people that matters to me. Changing in a negative way would affect people whom i love and treasure in a negative way as well.

Changes are good!! WE MUST CHANGE! But its the kinda change that i would call "improvement" Each of us carry a side of us that is a weakness, a blindspot. And such changes are necessary to be a better person to people around us, especially those who matters to us.

How bout changes in our lifestyle and personality, for the ones we love?
Some wives complain about their husband not talking enough, and husbands may normally reply:
"Well that's me what, i'm quiet by nature, don't talk very much. She better accept me for who i am since that she married me"

Perhaps its true. But can that aspect of him be changed to suit into his wives needs so that he can be a better lover to her.

Or one may ask "why should i change for someone who does not love me for who i am?"

I quoted this from the blog of a close friend of mine, i really thought it was somewhat admirable:

"If that person is not worthy enough for you to effect certain changes in your life, it only goes to demonstrate that the relationship is not of that great value to you, and you do not craved enough for his/her love sufficiently to sacrifice your own interest. Such a love, is not the ultimate love and certainly not the kind of love that will give you the maximum satisfaction. In short, if your lover is not worthy for you to make a change, he or she is not worth your love."

A woman may find soccer rather silly, 20 man fighting for one ball. If love meant to the extend of laying down one's life for each other.... how could the woman claim to be willing to die for him when she is unwilling to accompany him to a soccer game. This is vice versa from a guy to a girl as well.

2006-09-11T08:02:00.000-07:00

MATCH POINT

A movie worth watching, it brought reality to film, and probably made many think again about their marriage life. This is one movie that has left one of the greatest impact in me.

Its a simple story of a guy who was looking for all, fame, money and girls. He found a girl who's father owns a company, and the father was willing to take him in as one of the "big shots". He got what he wanted.

However along the marriage with the girl, he was seduced by another girl. When he got the mistress pregnant, she kept ringing him and forcing him to divorce his wife.

He couldn't take it any longer, killed an old woman, her neighbour beside, stole the jewellry, and later killed the mistress to make it seemed like an armed robbery house break in.

He threw all the jewellry into the river to destroy the evidence. One of the ring happen to hit the railing and bounced off on the ground. Later another crime took place in that area, and the robber was found to have that ring with the initals of the old woman's name. WHAT LUCK!! WHAT PURE LUCK!! He escaped it!!!

There's more to the story then this, its a movie i fully recommand to watch. However if we were to put some of the marriages we've seen or perhaps personally encountered into a video clip, wouldn't it be somewhat similar?

Honestly, i discovered that most people didn't ever get into a marriage wanting to commit adultery. On that day of marriage, they really meant with all their hearts, when they mention those 2 precious words "I do". It is along the way, perhaps out of weakness that they gave in.

I often heard people, especially those who have gone through families where their parents found another outside partner, say "When i get married i will stay true to my wife all the way! I would not betray her, but love her till death do us part"

Perhaps with all sincerity of heart, they meant it, and i could see it in their eyes. But till the test really comes, when in marriage we start to discover that he is not the kind of person, or perhaps he/she has changed for the worse, had a quarrel for nights that goes unresolved, meet another girl/guy at the workplace, got along well, found out that he/she has fond feelings for you, at such situation who can still say the same?

I learnt that i must not be ignorant of my weakness in me.

The Question is what is love base on?

If love is base on feelings, it comes and goes, and people drop feelings for the opposite gender when put together for sometime.
If love is base on character ALONE, it would change because people change. And There is always someone with better character out there.
If love is base on physical appearace, for we both know fades. And there is always someone prettier out there.

Love is base on a CHOICE. We love because we choose to love. Once we choose to love dispite how we feel, the feeling will start fanning into flame for one another once again.

Whenever i'm walking alone, at the beach, or alone on the train, i don't see any fancy in seeing young couples together, romantic and loving. But when i catch a couple in their 50's, 60's 70's or 80's. I often stopped to watch. Because i know this couple has went through alot and where they are today is commandable. To stay together is one thing, to stay together in love dispite all the differences sure made them stronger then before.

2006-09-06T07:03:00.000-07:00

In church office, all alone, wooo... can only hear the dog (apple) barking from downstairs and the sound of the aircon blowing at my face. Just waiting for a friend to drive me back.

Finally i'm able to use the internet. There are things in life that are like life machine to our soul, our emotional well being. Sometimes it's such that we don't realize it until it is taken away. Hmm... i only realize how addicted i am to the msn when my internet could no longer work. Manz, it felt like i was going to die. I was stunned by the extreme i took just to get my internet fixed. Went to get a laptop from JL, get friends to fix my com, they cldn't, even my uncle, finally a man from singtel.

Then guess what.............. my internet repaired, there goes my modem.......... AHHHHHHH!!! gotta wait till tmr again. I think God wants to spent time with me. MSN have been taking up my nights after work, disturbing ppl till i sleep...... till i forgot how much my beloved missed me... sigh. Angry with God? Nah, i know he misses me... it will get repaired soon and i'm gonna be back again.

I'm missing the company in SP services.... sigh.

2006-08-22T07:48:00.000-07:00

The hero to the rescue

The nature of every guy is to be the hero, while in every girl to be rescued. Speaking without any biasness being a guy myself, every guy has to be given the chance to be that hero to that special girl in his heart. In a society speaking of independence and putting a strong image, dependance may relate to a sign of weakness.

So does a girl remain dependant or independant? Denying the nature in them to be protected and rescued? Well i guess the key is about finding the balance. A girl needs to give her special guy the opportunity to be the hero in her life, when with him. This would make her special guy feel valued, needed and treasured. When not with him, she has to be that woman of strength, showing independance, so that he need not worry.

2006-08-21T07:57:00.000-07:00

Real run (New balance run)

What a morning at sentosa, taking part in the 10km run with none other then JL.

Both our number Tag!!

Running along the island of sentosa, across flat terrains, up slopes, down slopes, sand and sea, it was a tough struggle, as we brace through the journey that seemed endless. Pushing through the thousands, overtaking crowds that never seemed to come to an end.

And there goes the first 3 runners, WHEW!! they were fast. Claps and screams all ard cheering for them. They were almost 5 times faster then i was.

The first 6km felt pretty fine, the distance seem to take eternity as we reached 6.5km.......... 7km.............. 7.5km........... as the sign board reads, it seem like eternity ever 500m.

Finally at the finishing line. It was an unforgettable race. *Patz* for myself and for you jas.. we did not stop. =) What a acheivement it was!!!

Jas and i both confessed to scolding each other in our minds as the race got tougher. HAHA but we both felt it was worth it. =) Off to church we went......

2006-08-17T07:52:00.000-07:00

Came across this article, the opposite of Psalms 23. Finally caught the geeze of what psalms 23 really meant, after reading this. Title of this is simply called

THE OPPOSITE OF PSALMS 23

The clock is my dictator I shall not rest

It makes me lie down when i am exhausted

It leads me to depression

It hounds me soul

It leads me in circles of frenzies for activity sake

And even though i ran franctically from task to task

I will never get it all done

For my ideal is with me

Datelines and my need for approval, they drive me

They demand performance from me beyond the limits of my schdule

Anoint my head with migrains, my intray overflows

Surely fatique and time pressure

Shall follow me all the days of my life

And i will dwell in the bonds of frustration forever.

Thought it was very real in living today. The question i often ask myself, during moments of reflection i take each day is what drives my life? Why do i simply do what i do? As i ponder, i realize the need for approval, especially people closer to me, the need to feel significant and special often get me to overwork and do all i can to acheive. The problem is once i have acheive it, the satisfaction last awhile. I began craving agian and again for more.

PSALMS 23

The Lord is my shepherd i shall not be in want

He makes me lie down in green pastures

He leads me besides quiet waters

He restores my soul

He guides me in the path of righteousness for his name's sake

Even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death

i will fear no evil for you are with me;

your rod and your staff they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies

you anoit my head with oil, my cup overflows

Surely goodness and love will follow me

all the days of my life, and i will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Both seem to be under similar situation. The valley of the shadow of death which means depression. However Psalms 23 seems to be at ease, at rest dispite the situation. Today we are not looking for physcial rest. Sometimes a holiday, taking leave from work, we thought would give us the rest we needed, but sometimes it never does. What we are looking for today is soul rest. Rest for the emotions.

The answer why psalms 23 is so at rest, lies on the first statement. The Lord is my shepherd. Who is our shepherd today? in another words, what is driving our lives today? Approval of man? insecurities? fear? These things will never grant us rest. Just when we thought we found it, we find ourselves craving snd striving for more.

2006-08-14T04:27:00.000-07:00

Working at SP services

Call centre

While awaiting the next phrase of my life, whether it would be blue or green for me, been sometimes since i last graduated from poly. Working few mths in church only to know that i needed to earn some cash as well. Started working here in June. Well, being paid to be the cushion for this company that cust can vent their anger on, thought i would never stay on this job for a very long time, who knows, i'm still workin here till today probably leaving end of this mth.

Here's me, caught on camera unaware as always, entertaining shouts and screams over the phone.

Working intently!!!!!!!!

It is the people that makes working fun. Meeting people of different sorts are just so fun to watch. Well we can never be close to all, but for some, friendship takes to another lvl.

This girl is prolly the most irritating girl, well TO ME! Having her around is fun to the grp. The loud noise maker. It wld have been altogether diff witout her.

Well she prolly liked this. Classic, but eeerrrriiiieee. Nah this wasn't an intentional shot. Happen to thought the first flash was over, so i turned, the second flash came.

Well, this is the other girl, friend to the one above. take with one, must also take with the other.

Ended heading to bugis

Would be missing this place, after all took a portion of where i really spent my time of the year. No just the job, but also the different people i get to interact with. In the working world, it is a complete different experience.

2006-08-13T01:19:00.000-07:00

21ST BIRTHDAY

The beauty of fireworks cannot be enjoyed by the eyes but warmth in the heart. thanks for being there.

It's the 13th of August, been celebrating since friday evening till now. Personally it just meant another birthday, but thanks to some special friends who has made it into a memorable birthday.

"Wanna see the fireworks at a good view without having squeeze with the crowd?" What a tricky question, does LYZ knows a secret corner in singapore that no one else knows? i followed with much anticipation, wondering along where cld this place be? picturing all ard marina in my mind where cld it be!!

My suspense came to a stop, finding myself spending my 21st birthday at marina mandrain club room at the 21st story.

A spectacular view of town area, benjamin shears bridge, fullerton area and the oriental hotel. Where people look like ants from top view. Took a drink at the bar till the rest arrived. At 9pm, we watch and took picts of the fire works. It was unforgettable.

Watching the Big plasma TV screen. A funny scene about to take place.

The beautiful fireworks from 21st stoty

Cutting the birthday cake

Presenting the gift. Feels so grand.

Well that was memorable. Not forgetting the sat evenings, with LT and SX treat from them at sakura, a game of bowling, as they wld always do on my birthday and going for a karaoke session. Was high on red wine. Thought could stay on till midnight

The SP service friends would not give way. We met around 1am at fisherman, till the wee hours of the night just drinking even more. My my.. They played a game, each have to mention what they never did b4, and if anyone in the grp did that before has to take a sip. obviously they were targetting me. I could hoewver compose myself till the end. ~ claps ~

Sunday was left with time to my family. Went to a nice hotel to eat. 21 21 21, can't believe i'm into adulthood. Challenges ahead. =) thx for everything.

2006-08-05T22:22:00.000-07:00

Living for the ONE THING!

Life can be such a chore, a dread, a routine. Aimless, after all the fun and laughter lies the void and emptiness. Craving for something more, for meaning and purpose.

When i think of God, i often thought so why did he made me? Only the creator knows the purpose, of an object. In this case only the creator of life would know the purpose. Is life meant to be the way it is? The thought of not wanting to live on wanders in my mind.

"... all things were created by him and FOR him." colossains 1:16

That's it. The answer, its not about me, its not about my enjoyment, my dreams, my desires. I live my life only for the reason i was created for.

To be with him. If he's in the missions field, i want to be there. If he's touching a life elsewhere i want to be there. I just want to be with him. I serve only becuase i want to be with Him. More then a NEED, i WANT to be with him.

To know him. I want to be with him so that i may know him. Isn't that what he created man? That they may share in His beauty, they may know and marvel at his love.
"God is love" 1 john 4:16.
God can't help but shower his love on someone, his nature is love. He created me that i may be an object of his love.

To please him. No not just in doing and doing more. But in being. Simply being the son to my parents, a friend to my friends, a lover to my future partner, a minister to the people with me. God said this to Jesus
"This is my beloved son whom i love, with him i am well pleased." Matthew 3:17
even before he started off any ministry, Jesus a carpenter then all he did was honoring his parents and cutting wood, doing his work as doing unto the Lord.

To honor him. I want to get to the place in this life where the only motivation that fills my heart is to bring honor and glory to God. For that i must decrease and he must increase.

Tough, selfless... but that was exactly what i was created for. I want to love him. I want to be more then just a servant, that serves and serves but i want to be His friend. I want to share his heart, share his sufferings, i want to be that bride, that when the father looks down, he can be pleased when he sees me carrying my cross like Jesus did. I want to live to hear my father say "Well done my good and faithful servant"

Help me O Lord break out of my selfishness. I want to live for you and share your heart for this world. Feeling inadequete~

It all about you, Jesus
And all this is for you
For your glory and your fame

Its not about me
As if you should do things my way
You alone are God and i surrender
To your ways

2006-07-29T20:21:00.000-07:00

When all is stripped away

Empty i come out from my mother's womb

Empty i will go.

The Lord Gave and the Lord took away

Everything that my heart clinged to

Other then Him and Him alone

Dreams and desires

To love and be loved

Fame and money

Everything he takes till everything he becomes

"One thing you lack!" Lovingly He said

"One thing you still lack!"

O Lord, teach me the joy of having nothing

Because i have everything

Show me what it means, as i gazed upon the cross
By the powers you had to rescue yourself from carrying the heavy cross
Yet you did not!!
Right now, i have the ability to let go of my cross too!
But because you hanged on till death, so will I

Reveal to me what kept you on the cross all the way

Because the road is like walkin bare footed on stony ground

O so painful!!

Was it your love for me that kept you going?

Or your only desire to hear Your father say to you

"Well done my good and faithful Child"

O that you valued his approval so much that nothing else mattered

I'm finding it so hard to love you, still I will

You took everything away that i'm left empty

But i have one thing that will never be taken

O eternal security that is.

My life is in a mess, but how can i hear you say

despite all these "well done my good and faithful child!"

Consume me with your love

The love that is stronger then gravity

The love that is able to bound 3 to 1

the Father, Son and Holy Spirit

Now 4 to 1, Me, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit

I remembered my voice as a little child

The hymn i used to sing

"He is my everything, he is my all

He is my everything both great and small

He gave his life for me, made everything new

He is my everything, now how about you"

I want to be able to sing that agian

Just like how i used to in sunday school.

2006-07-26T07:55:00.000-07:00

Our words put to the test

The story of the fall of man, no surprise to many. When it was recorded in the bible about the beauty and perfection in the creation of man. The first man to ever exsist, Adam, and woman eve. The fall came when adam ate the apple when God told him he could eat from any tree except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

A common question i often hear is "why did God still put the tree there despite knowing adam is going to eat it, since God can see the future?" Well its true God did foreknew the fall of man. The answer is found in this story:

A father told his son "I'm going to lock u up in this room for 3 days. close all the windows, seal every gap in this room. if you come out of it, you don't love me. If you stay in the room after 3 days, i know your love for me is real." The first day started to get the boy impatient. He tried anything he could to knock down the door, tried to break the window grills... did all he could. 3 days later the father found the boy still inside, and exclaimed "Boy you still do love me!! now i know your love for me is real"

Is it for real? The tree was there, it hurt God's heart to have put it there. But if love wasn't put to the test, can we truly say its for real. God in all his creation created all things without a choice. Man has this powerful seed called choice. Because if love is forced or without a choice, would there be any meaning to love? God wants man to choose to love him. And for a choice, there always has to be two options. For this case to obey and disobey.

I

In my earlier entry on self deception, i was rather dissapointed when i had to come to terms with who i really am. Claiming I really loved God, passionate for his church and his people, when all that mattered to me was the image that i gave to others. This can only be truly shown when testings and temptations come. A ministry, a dream, even a GODLY dream can be an idol, more impt to us then God. It is when God takes it away then we began to realize we don't love God as much as we think we do. God takes us by every commitment we make at the altar, every promise, purify our hearts and take us from strength to strength.

We love BECAUSE HE FIRST LOVED US.

Make it a prayer: Lord show me truly what's in my heart. and prepare for the ride!!

Let's cry like moses did:

Show me your face O Lord

Make my heart pure as Gold

Standing in awe of you

Your love it surrounds me forever!!!

2006-07-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

Splashing and more splashing. This weekend felt like a getaway with JL. With our busy lives, in our own world, with our own cliques formed over the months and years, since we were really close. Finally caught up so much with one another, the long silence btwn seems as if it never exsisted, we talked as if the memories we had were only yesterday.

We met on Friday evening in town. Did some shopping, had dinner at wisma ate the prawn noodles, where we caught up with our each other and shared what has been going on. She's really a friend that i could connect with, shared some of my joys, desires and struggles. It was sure an emotionally uplifting after being able to talk to you. =) We did more shopping through the night, she bought..... well i forgotten!! But i got a jacket that i thought looked nice. J ended up wanting to use it first. haha.. o well we both felt it was nice. She was just WAITING for me to get it. We dragged our painful feets down to plaza sing, to get her shades and my choc. We ended up laughing all through our shopping at the supermarket as we realized we shared alot in common in our mis chief. ~Winkz~

We ended the night at a nice pub, at alley bar, where we simply chilled out and talked about guys, life and love. It was a beautiful place. All things come to an end so did the night, we ended cabbing back.

Finally went back to church on sunday after 2 weeks of absence. YOU OVERSLEPT JAS!! Well no surprises, just stating it. After serv, we went over to parkway, bought weights and did some shopping and later ate chocolate fondue at anderson's ice cream. The chocolate was marvellous!! Ended cabbing back again, thanks to her whining. haha.. winkz~ Its sad the weekends have to end. I sure do cherish every memories with you. =) Appreciate the friendship lots.

2006-07-20T06:57:00.000-07:00

THE BURNING BUSH

Its the kind of season, where everything just feels so dry. A kind of passion that seems to have stopped burning. Suddenly it felt as if serving was pointless. A season of my life where i did not want to serve the Lord. I'm running!!

The story of Moses shed a new light in me. That the colder one is towards then Lord, and when one has lost notion of himself, he stands a greater chance of an encounter with the burning bush. The Lord loves us and knows US by name. Moses was running too, after punching an egyption for bullying his own race, and was accused for murdering him by his own people. Moses fled, and for many years he lived a quiet life. From a somebody in the palace, reduced to tending the sheeps in a little pasture, unknown and perhaps forgotten. For many years it stayed that way.

One often speaks about knowing the call of God for our lives early. However, for some characters in the bible, they never knew about their destiny, only at the point of encounter. Moses never knew he was destined to lead millions out of the bondage in egypt. Paul never knew God would use him to preach the gospel until the very moment itself. We may ask if God has a destiny for all, then what is mine? Its our God predestined purpose that we find meaning in. What's next after study? further study? then after that? Work? and is that all to life? well, seems like. Just as we're about to get comfortable and settle in our little lives, there comes the "burning bush".

2006-07-18T07:07:00.000-07:00

Tioman

Close to nature, a getaway from the world we sometimes feel like running on a tredmill, endless and aimless. Suddenly it felt like all has came to a stand still. Enjoying nature, the sun, the sand, the sea and most of all one another. A time to reflect and see the beauty of nature. Tioman gave me the feeling of a rugged village life, a life never felt in singapore.

One thing that amazed me was the clarity of the water. I was so clear that we could see what was beneath.

Snookerling is an activity not to be missed at tioman! With the clear sea and the beautiful corals and fishes, it was quite a magnificent sight! This is the boat to bring us to a spot to snoorkel.

Me in my snoorkeling gear. Do i look like a monster?

All happy faces at Sea!!

Since the water were so clear, we knew that we could fish, and EASILY catch, because we knew where they were.

no, no we don't mean small fishes. We spoke about catching BIG fishes and give to the chef to cook for us. Guess what? Did we acheived our aims?

Hold on a second! With little or no experience in fishing, forget about the big fishes when we don't know how to even set the rod. Me as usual, standing there using my eye power. Acting as if i'm thinking and flowing along. ;)

Guess it was pointless fishing. For hours, and we cught only 2 small fishes. That's me watching the fishes feed on the bread. At least we got ourselves tanned under the sun.

SOAK UP THE SUN!

ALL SMILES!!

There's a jungle in tioman too! and we're going for jungle trekking

Clmbing up slope, persevering under the heat.

Ended the night with a little beer and pool. Taking aim. brainstorming on the best move.

Watching with such great intensity. M on his nxt move.

2006-07-15T20:40:00.000-07:00

" the heart is deceitful above all things, and beyond cure, who can understand it?"
Jeremiah 17:9

Self deception can be the worst form of deception that one has to face. However sometimes coming to terms with who we really are on the inside can be so painful, that some would rather continue living in deception. That's what it means to live in the light and darkness. One often refers to living in the light as:

One often refers to living in the light as:

Hope
Direction
Love
joy
Emotional rest

They are not wrong, the light of life refers to the above, and maybe more... However we must not forget that light also represent: revealing what can't be seen in the dark. All of these things comes in a package, that one cannot find hope, direction, emotional rest... without first being able to come to terms with who we really are.

Ever touched charcoal with your bare hands and accidentally rub your hands on your face? I was made fun many times, for having done that. But i realize that when i went into the dark area where there was no light, another grp of people don't seem to realize that there was charcoal on my face. And i can continue being in the dark room, living in deception that my face is clean.

"I am the light of the world, he who comes to me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life"
John 8:12

Jesus did not mention i know the light. He says, He IS the light. There's a price to pay in drawing closer to God, and that is facing the truth about ourselves. One may feel more sinful, or began to see things from our past that we have allowed to affect us without noticing it, when drawing closer to God.

In reality, we can lie to ourselves. In charcter, thinking we are humble, when we simply don't realize how arrogant we are. Thinking we care for others, when all that is on our minds is ourselves. Thinking we love God so much when in reality, we don't. Even thinking we truly love our partner when it is merely just to fill a void in our lives, mere infatuation, or just plainly in love with the feeling of being love. WE NEED TO KNOW OURSELVES.

Heard of the Johari window?

Notice the 4 boxes, out of 4, only three boxes are safe. Arena, facade and blind spot. For blind spot at least people can teach us and correct us. However as life progresses on, the "Unknown" area about oursleves needs to get smaller and smaller. It would be dangerous then to enter into marraige with that "unknown" area about ourselves BIG.

What is darkness to you? Well to me it means one word: "depression" Does the word seems to connect? It could be loneliness, rejections, hurts, low esteem, sense of failure, condemnation. Jesus it the answer to that, because light expels the darkness completely away.

The Isrealites never entered into the promise land, as the bible would describe it as rest.. From the story we could see one thing "they had an unbelieving heart". However the Isrealites themselves never came to terms with that. That made them wondered in the wilderness for many yrs, never found the joy and rest that was promised to them.

Jesus is the answer to our valleys
Dark it maybe, painful it would be
Face the truth about our hearts
And let His love overtake you.

"there's no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1